{Fiction} Regrets

Wrote this last April 4, 2013. 

I know it was my decision to pull the plug, to break up and finish our relationship once and for all. But for some reason I still miss you. Your smile. Your laugh. And simply saying, I miss everything about you. The good times and the bad are now just mere memories for the two of us. I’d give anything just to go back to one moment when we were together, when we were truly happy. At a time where we were contented and nothing seemed to be going wrong.

I know I have no right to say these things. It is my fault that we are now on our separate paths, travelling two different roads. I know you deserve better, not someone like me. And you’ve proven that right, you found that someone who will take better care of you than I can. I could see that you’re in better hands, your smile when the two of you are together are the smile you’ve never shown me when we were together.

But still I have these thoughts. What if’s running back and forth from my mind. Thinking that I didn’t try hard enough. I would be lying if I said I never once regretted what I did, because believe me I’m full of regrets. What I could have and what I should have, these thoughts are overflowing my mind.

You have moved on and I should too. I don’t know why I still have such thoughts when I really shouldn’t. In time I would be able to forget, I’d be able to accept fully what happened. I can honestly say without hesitation how happy I am for you, for both of you.

But for now, I still have thoughts of asking for another chance. Wanting to hold your hand again, holding you and never wanting to let go. Looking into your eyes, your far seeing eyes. To listen to your voice telling me how important I am, even for one last time.

The only thing I could think of doing right now is to have some distance between the two of us. And hope that the day I’d be able to fully forget would come soon.